Archive for February, 2009

February 16th, 2009

Do Trees Look Like People?

Do cars have faces? Are the windows of a house its eyes? Yes, but we made it so. We made them in our own image as the gods of stone and steel and toil (which means we are not gods at all). We cannot pretend we made the trees. Some don’t even strike notable resemblance.

The problem is the outside of the body. Branches and arms can sway in kind, but an arm can’t fork off into infinite smaller versions of itself. Then there is the question of will, though one doubts the arms possess it by themselves.

The analog is the insides. Veins and capillaries that split off like sticks. Nerves bundling up to the encompassing canopy. The miracle of geometry aligns to impress life into a sturdy thing, as frail as it may be. But in that case, no, they shouldn’t really look like people.

February 9th, 2009

If I Were a Superhero I’d Be Smokey Bird

smokey-bird1 

The smoke comes into the subway station like solid city perfume.  No barbecue harmony to it.  I can tell this blaze roasts no meat.  I climb the stairs hesitantly, imagining apocalypse maundering on my street corner.  And I had to pay to get here.

Up top I can see from where the fire stems.  It’s opening a tunnel through a cardboard mountain.  Acrid embers shoot out from the nexus of paper fed flame.  Cool ash disseminates through the neighborhood.  The fire builds.

I think of all the lit cigarettes slipped out of my fingers.  The apathy to search the ground and stomp.

 A metal walker idles at the box flap foothills.  My mind moves rapidly over my options, one of which is to just walk away.  I can’t stand the stink.  I hobble the walker over to the seething orange puddle; stamp the legs into the pooling flame.  I throw my understated weight into the walker.

A man with a fake diamond earring and a Yankees cap watches me from a pay phone cubicle.  He’s trying not to look at me but his eyes instinctively angle toward the glow.

I tap the edges of the cardboard into muddled ash.  I neglect the center.  One flame ascends serpentine to my hand.  I crush it like a tyrant crushes an uprising.  With all the willful arrogance of the one who holds the power.  I hold a filthy walker.  I grind the coals into the cement until the street is as black as the sky.

I walk away from the heap of ash and the burnt walker, feeling a little like drunk, being very much like drunk.  As I turn the corner, I realize that the fire could’ve been lit to warm up the homeless and out of doors.  But all the heat you need is in the air tonight.  I’ll come to consider the cardboard lightning-struck.  Though there is no rain or thunder.  I’ll want to think of it as the rare boost of fate that turns tiny women into heroes.  Like the city’s invisible savior.  Funny how quickly that feeling evaporated.  And putting out a random fire on First Avenue at four in the morning becomes a joke.

February 3rd, 2009

Demolition Love

 demolition-love

“It’s okay, pigeon.  I love you!”

            The pigeon teeters up the stone pathway in the park.  He is missing a foot, and several toes on the remaining one.  His wings cleave to his body like heavy things.  He is coated in oil, cooking half his feathers black.  When he opens his mouth, only an intemperate bird wheeze rattles out.

            “Nobody else loves you!”

            The man staggers behind the pigeon on the pathway, giving the bird room.  He half-uses a crutch under one arm, and over the other is slung a plastic bag of worldly possessions.  His limbs dangle from his body like relinquished things.  He is steeped in grease, carrying his odor like a real live aura.  When he opens his mouth, a scratchy bellow rings.

            “Nobody else loves you, pigeon, but I do!”

February 3rd, 2009

The Pathos of Reality TV

 

 

I watched 8 hours of America’s Next Top Model yesterday.  I feel bad about myself, but actually I feel great about myself.  Because I so deeply out-specimen those tender-headed hustles of humanity.  From the vantage inside my eyes it makes perfect sense.  It doesn’t feel wrong, it feels like a warm homing of self-worth.  And it makes me a comparative shopper at the well of well-being.  Willing to be just a less bruised lemon.

            I don’t think superiority works.  Equivalence isn’t exactly a measure.  That’s why a part of you feels dirty even though it’s clear shame lives for the other side of the screen.  Truth is, that intellectual deadweight?  Has accomplished more than I ever have: for all her love of TV, she has gotten herself the fuck on it.  What do I love, have I laid my flickering image on it?

            Reality TV is the cheeseburger of psychic fixes.  A step back really, for the way it so readily invites distillation of us and them.  I couldn’t promise to acquit myself anymore amiably, if a TV camera were to cling to my everyday epiphanies.  But I wouldn’t go on TV, because I know better.

 

 

 

February 2nd, 2009

A Ghost

ghost-hunter 

His name is John Kohler.  I’m not so wild about believing in him.  When I open my bathroom mirror I think I’ll close it to his rotten face, and all I see is my own.  I whip my head around to check the hallway all the time.  That’s where he dropped dead.

            I think he approves of me in various states of undress only.  The hallway has a full-length mirror, and I expect to see him there too.  But when my eyes catch the mirror, they linger on my own image.  I get distracted; my vanity takes over. 

            John Kohler was not a beloved man.  People didn’t ask where he was, just basked in his absence.  My next door neighbor had to realize that no one could be cooking asparagus for that many days.  He smelled so bad she had to pay a kid to break in through the fire escape.  He smelled so bad after two weeks and no less.

            It’s a miracle apartment if you can say no one died in it.  At least he doesn’t pressure me for any earthly favors.  I wonder if he would like it if I turned on some Judge Judy for him, or the Family Feud.  Maybe he would find me condescending.

            When we filled the hallway with a mirror, I thought only of the most opportune way to ogle myself in outfits.  That’s what I do most of the time.

 

February 2nd, 2009

On Reading Kafka to Clubgoers

You will want to start with A Rejection because it is most apt.  You will want to repeat it.  The Bachelor’s Unhappiness as backbone, to understand the persistence of flirtation despite.  When an enviable uproar eggs on until morning, you will want to read Up in the Gallery.  When the hair in the crowd is gray and nostalgia rises like a smoky perfume, you will want to read The New Lawyer.  You will slough off Decisions while the night is heady and defiant, and you will only know the meaning the next morning.  You will want to add On Parables, but it is almost never appropriate.  At the end of the night, you will understand to say Frocks gingerly, only grazing the ears. 

            There are no stories short enough to last the night.  You will lace the thrum of the bass with your deep reading voice and go unnoticed.  You will let yourself sublimate into the words.  You will snap the fuck out because this is not actually the place for words so precise like a virus.